http://www.therebelution.com/downloads/soul_of_modesty.mp3
Modest Dress: The Heart of the Issue Surrounding Clothing, Sexuality & Biblical Femininity
Our family had always tried to dressed as
modestly as we could in our pants, however I wondered why some
Christian families had all of their ladies wear dresses or skirts. I
couldn’t find a scripture that said, “Thou shall always wear dresses or
skirts”, and yet we continually saw beautiful, conservative families
dressing this way exclusively and intentionally. We’ve watched clothing
trends moved towards less and less material especially for women and
even worse, less and less clothing for young women and girls – and disappointingly, the church is less and less a haven of refuge from these trends.
Finding pants for our
girls that were even moderately conservative was becoming nearly
impossible. Then in 2007 some dear friends of ours suddenly made the
change themselves to wearing only dresses and skirts – and I had the
opportunity to inquire as to the reasoning behind this.
This friend loaned me a book she had
recently read that changed not only the clothing they chose to wear but
also their hearts in many ways. The book, Dressing with Dignity, by Colleen Hammond (written from a Catholic perspective, which we do not endorse, but there’s little reference to this in the book),
gives an abundance of practical how’s and why’s of truly dressing and
behaving modestly. There is a link to this book on our “Recommended
Books” list. It is a smaller book, concise, persuasive, very
informative in practical information. This was an opportunity for us to
tie what we had been doing casually to some great Biblical principles,
physical realities, and emotional needs of our girls while at the same
time setting a great example for our boys, and protecting the eyes of
men around us. We do not want to stir up inappropriate thoughts or
behaviors on the part of men or boys, or provoke emotional or physical
actions towards our girls. There is a difference between dressing
attractively and dressing to attract (not that dressing to attract her
husband is a bad thing when a girl is married!). We are preserving our
girls’ innocence while they are learning to accentuate their grace and
beauty. (Dressing modestly does not mean frumpy!) Our family has also
been so pleased to discover several other invaluable blessings after our transition to modest clothing! *smile!*
Before learning some reasoning for
wearing only dresses and skirts we were trying to find pants that
weren’t too tight in the bottom, too low on the hips, or shorts that
weren’t “short-short”. One of the reasons for wearing dresses or skirts
exclusively is that when a woman is wearing pants a man’s eyes fall to a
woman’s crotch. This isn’t necessarily intentional; it’s just the
nature of men “to look”.
“Advertising agencies quickly prepared
marketing research to find out the reaction of men to a woman wearing
pants. Do you know what they found? Using newly developed technology,
they tracked the path that a man’s eyes take when looking at a woman in
pants. They found that when a man looked at a woman in pants form the
back, he looked directly at her bottom. When he looked at a woman
wearing pants from the front, advertisers found that his eyes dropped
directly to a woman’s most private and intimate area. Not her face!
Not her chest! (DWD, p. 49)”
And when we’re talking about wearing dresses and skirts I mean long
ones, not mini ones. When women wear slacks, short dresses or skirts,
or ones with a long slit, men’s eyes follow the lines he sees right up
her legs and complete the picture in their imagination. (Women’s eyes
do the same thing, but since women don’t have the same type of
temptation their imaginations don’t complete the picture like men’s do.)
And yet,
“…when a woman dresses with dignity,
men tell me that this appeals to their chivalrous nature. Her
femininity helps them to elevate their thoughts (not to mention their
eyes). It allows them to uphold a woman’s honor, to respect truth and
beauty, and to grow in their role as a ‘gallant knight’ (DWD, p.14).”
God’s Word speaks very clearly about our responsibility towards one another, and on being above reproach.
“You have heard that it was said to
the ancients, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that
anyone who so much as looks with lust at a woman has already committed
adultery with her in his heart.” - Matthew 5:27-29.
“Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” - 1 Cor. 8:9. (also Rom. 14:13b; 1 Cor. 10:23, 24, 27-32.)
“I am saying this for your own good,
not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided
devotion to the Lord.” - 1 Cor. 7:35.
“If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching…” - John 14:23.
God’s Word is not to be taken lightly.
We cannot say that we have made Him Lord of our life, and yet keep
certain areas of life for our own pleasure. You may have heard it said,
“He is lord of all, or He isn’t lord at all.” Christians belong to
Him, we are purchased with the price of His Son’s life. We show Him
love through our obedience, and we are held accountable to what we have
learned. God was bringing revelation to my spirit, and initially I
didn’t like it, and I didn’t want to “sacrifice” my clothing style likes
for obedience. But God surprised me. *smile*
As I contemplated the reality of making this change in lifestyle, I shared with my friend four of my main concerns,
- “Isn’t it uncomfortable; don’t you feel dressed-up all the time?”
According to her testimony initially, and now from what I’ve found -
not at all! Wearing dresses or skirts doesn’t necessarily mean dressed
up formally. We girls in the family began searching out a style of
dresses and skirts that was “us” – pretty but casual, comfortable,
feminine, and attractive – not frumpy. We buy all of our clothes used,
so we began frequenting our favorite used-clothing stores every week
looking for dresses, skirts, and shoes for all our ladies. Initially we
found 1-3 items at a time for one of us. We couldn’t afford to just go
out and replace my and our 3 daughter’s wardrobes suddenly; it took a
year or two to really grow a new wardrobe and find what types of dresses
& skirts we were comfortable in. The Lord so blessed our decision
towards modesty this way! We have found plenty of real nice clothes for
each of us, and doing it used was very affordable. *smile* We are
more comfortable now than we ever were in pants, and we feel much more
feminine (more on this down below).
- “How do you clean a bathroom in a dress?”
My friend replied with a smile and in her practical way that I love,
“The same way our grandmothers did.” And she was right. With
comfortable skirts or dresses it’s just as easy as it is in pants. With
the right skirt or dress on (not too full or too long), it’s no big
deal, actually.
- “How do you stay warm in the fall and winter?”
We wear what we refer to as “dress pants” and/or warm knee-high socks
or tights. Our littlest girls wear cute bloomers, or white stretch
pants/shorts (because white goes with all of their dresses), or Capri
sweat pants or stretch pants. The older girls also have white stretch
pants or shorts, or other thin cotton Capri pants, like brown ones to
wear under their brown skirt, grey ones for under denim if they’d like.
I wear either a pants slip that goes to my knees, or white Capri or
long stretch pants. We all have tights, and we have knee-high boots,
and warm under tops that also help, and sweaters & sweatshirts.
We’re very warm!
- “How do little girls play easily and modestly?”
They always have some sort of “dress pants” on. We do keep one pair of
jeans and one pair of shorts for each of the girls for when they ride
bikes in the yard and when they go boating in Puget Sound in the
summer. They can’t climb in and out of the boat into waist-high salt
water wearing a dress. Swimming shorts are pretty modest, and wet suits
are worn when they’re swimming, plus life jackets. It’s not exactly
“skimpy” attire when we go boating in Puget Sound! *LOL* No matter how
hot of a summer day it is, Puget Sound is C-O-L-D. And boating is
almost exclusively with just our extended family, so we’re not too
concerned about it right now. We start our baby girls into full time
dresses when they learn to walk around age 1 because dresses don’t seem
very conducive to crawling.
When
starting out on our search for a whole new style, I really had no idea
what to look for! So I’ll give you an idea of what my favorite wardrobe
includes now. For every day wear I love cotton, stretchy fabrics
best. I’m also comfortable in soft cotton, corduroy, and twill
fabrics. I love an Eddie Bauer, J Crew, or Gap
look, fairly tailored but not confining, sometimes a little sporty, yet
still very feminine. My favorite dresses are the tee-shirt type dresses
(like in the photo below), and dresses with an empire waist, which sits
on the rib cage rather than low on the hips. Skirts need to have some
room to move around in so they’re usually a fuller style with gathers or
tiers, and short slits in the back or front. I love tiny floral
patterns for tops or solid colors, beige and denim skirts that go with
most any top. We had to find a new shoe style, too, and I had no idea
what that would look like at first. We began patiently shopping at the
used clothing stores so that buying several pairs of nice shoes for each
of us wasn’t expensive at all. I learned that a Merry Jane style shoe
goes with any dress or skirt (not black patent leather necessarily, but
the style of a Merry Jane), slip on flats, smaller, dainty tennis
shoes, sandals, or a nice tailored boot. I wear cotton knee high socks
mostly as they go with Merry Jane style shoes or tall boots for warmth,
sometimes I’ll wear tights but I don’t prefer them, and ankle socks
with tennis shoes. Our girls dress very similarly in clothes and
shoes.
For Church I wear very similar clothes
but not the sporty look, and I try not to wear denim as it just feels
too casual with everyone else dressed up. I’ll wear a more fitted
strait skirt because I’m not taking care of daily tasks and activities,
or dressier fabrics like rayon for dresses. I sometimes wear heals,
although for me it’s harder to carry babies and toddlers wearing these
right now, not to mention balancing when I’m expecting a baby *chuckle* ,
so I usually stick with low heals if any.
There were a number of very pleasant
unexpected heart changes for us ladies as well when we made this
transition. Women move and act differently when wearing a dress; I
think all women would acknowledge this. We began to feel and act more
feminine, prettier, and even more submissive to the head of our home, my
husband and the children’s daddy. I always knew that my husband
enjoyed seeing me in a dress every Sunday, but it never occurred to me
to wear a dress all the time as a blessing to him. This alone would
have been worth the change! *smile!* After all, I’m the only wife he’s
ever going to have – I desire to dress to please him. It’s good for a
woman to fill her husband’s eyes and thoughts with pleasing sights to
help him never be tempted to look else where. Bob was thrilled with our
new style, and was happy to fund our wardrobe change! Now, I wasn’t
neglected by him at all when wearing pants, but now I receive extra
special attention and flirtations from the man of my life! How fun is
that to feel like my appearance is so pleasing to him, like when
we were first courting! When I’m wearing a dress, I do not feel like
trying to be the head of the home, either. I didn’t realize that I had
that tendency before we changed our clothing style, but I really did
behave that way – and Bob felt it. This may seem like an over
exaggeration, but our marriage has really been blessed by changing over
to dresses and skirts, and most all of the friends we’ve met who have
made this change in their own families (hundreds of families we’ve met
now) have said the same thing! It’s truly a deeper heart issue, the way we dress. And Bob and I are so pleased to introduce these feelings, behaviors, and protective innocence in our girls at a young age.
Once learning of the Biblical importance
and moral responsibility behind protecting men and boy’s eyes and
thoughts, and our girls’ hearts, we did make the change pretty much
“cold turkey”. Once we found a couple of dresses or skirts for each of
us to wear to start with, we wore those only, and we continued to shop
for nice used clothing every week until we each had a complete wardrobe
for each season. Thankfully we began this process in the spring season
of Washington so we did not need a bunch of warmer items immediately,
just some basic summer dresses. We gave away all of our pants, shorts,
women’s Spedo one-piece bathing suits, and even desired to give away our
pajama pants. We eventually found very pretty night gowns, cool ones
for summer and warm flannel ones for winter that are just as warm as
pajama pants were – and we feel so pretty! My parents purchased for our
girls’ new bathing wear from the only place we knew of at the time, J
Crew, who makes darling shorts and tee shirt outfits out of stretchy,
quick-drying swim fabric. Yes, swim pants, not the most modest but far
more so than the more common bathing suits today! It was a start.
Since then we’ve learned of a couple of places that sell very cute
dress-style bathing wear and we hope to buy those some time in the
future. These swim items are not inexpensive, but it is the one thing
that we’ve chosen to save for and invest in new for the children as we
feel it’s important for them to have this option, and we do all go
boating all summer long with the grandparents. However, once the girls
all have swim wear that first year the younger girls have items to grow
in to and we no longer need to buy for them all, only for the oldest
daughter who then passes the items down.
We were so pleased that all of our girls
eagerly embraced the change to wearing dresses. Girls seem to generally
have a natural delight in dresses; it’s like their hearts just resonate
with this femininity. So it’s nice to run with that natural feeling
beginning when they’re young ladies or younger; before the masculinity
of the culture gets a grip on them.
Finally, I would love to share with you
some of the websites where we’ve found great dresses, skirts, night
gowns, dress pants, knee high socks, and maternity clothes online!
We’ve actually rarely needed to buy anything new because the Lord has
provided abundantly through the used clothing stores, but once in a
while there’s the need to purchase a specific item new. For example,
nightgowns for our girls, as women’s night gowns for our older girls do
not fit them right. Below is a list of places where we’ve found very
nice clothing items. A couple of which we’ve purchased from, and
friends of ours have purchased from some of the other sites. The web
sites vary in price and style, so I encourage you to look through
several of the sites if you’re shopping.
The Kings Daughters -- Well
made (seems finished with overlock serger), long, wide variety of
dresses, pinafores, jumpers, slips, aprons, variety of fabrics to choose
from ($29-39/piece -- mostly $30).
Lilies Apparel – High quality, beautiful, huge
selection of styles and fabrics, similar prices to above site,
everything from dresses, maternity, jumpers, bloomers, socks, etc. You
can order their catalog to be sent to you.
Meant To Be Modest – skirts ($10-17), bathing attire ($40-70).
Katies Mercantile – lots of things.
Ringger Clothing – dresses & jumpers ($50 average).
Practically Pretty Design – Nice quality, girls’ dresses $45.
Jumpin Bloomers -- ($12-16 each); nightgowns ($15-21 each); FREE shipping!
Works Of The Heart -- This appears to have great quality, too (seems finished with overlock serger) and has cute styles ($35/dress or so).
Hannah Lise -- Jumpers ($21), Dresses ($52-64) pretty & long.
April Cornell -- Dresses $54 each, but modest and pretty (I've heard a rumor that they're going out of business?)
Target – leggings ($6.99).
Laina Line -- Bloomers ($16-$22), and a few dresses.
Hanna Andersson -- Bloomers ($18); other dresses $42+ each.
Lands End -- Girls' Cap-Sleeve knit Jersey Dresses ($19.50)
God has so blessed our family, our
marriage, and He has renewed mine and the girls’ attitudes towards
modesty and femininity. I am completely confident that He will do the
same for you if you ask Him to! *smile!* It’s been so nice,
surprisingly comfortable – I so much more prefer dresses now than
pants any day, and we have peace knowing that we’re following the
Lord’s instructions in dressing modestly. We asked the Lord to change
us to fit His will, and He was so faithful to do so! What a blessing!
